We’ve all been in situations – whether in a boardroom, a project update, or even an informal networking conversation – where the moment to speak arrives, but something inside holds us back. Perhaps it’s the fear of not knowing enough, of being challenged, or of simply taking up space. Yet, our presence in that room isn’t by accident.
Why We Hold Back
Speaking up taps into some very human fears:
Fear of being judged
Fear of not knowing enough
Fear of getting it wrong
Fear of taking up space
For some, it’s rooted in past experiences – being spoken over, criticised, or dismissed. For others, it’s perfectionism or imposter syndrome - that nagging feeling that you're not as competent as others perceive you to be. See my blog on imposter syndrome here.
In coaching sessions, I often hear phrases like:
“I didn’t feel like I knew enough to share my thoughts.”
“Everyone else seemed more confident.”
“It just didn’t feel like my place.”
But here’s the truth: You know more than you think. And your voice matters more than you realise.
Why Speaking Up Matters
When you speak, you’re not just advocating for yourself – you’re contributing to something bigger. You bring a different perspective. A challenge to the status quo. A question no one else has thought to ask.
And when you allow your voice to be heard – not from ego, but from wanting to make a positive contribution – you give others permission to do the same.
When we consistently hold back, something else happens quietly in the background:
We reinforce our own self-doubt.
We disconnect from our inner knowing.
We forget the truth: you are already enough.
Confidence isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about trusting that your perspective, your energy and you belong in the room.
It’s also worth remembering that others in the room likely feel the same way you do. Most people carry some form of self-doubt – they just wear it differently.
And in environments where people feel safe to speak – even when unsure – teams learn and perform better. Harvard researcher Amy Edmondson calls this psychological safety, and it’s a hallmark of high-performing organisations.
There’s another reason your voice matters: cognitive diversity.
Matthew Syed, in his book Rebel Ideas, describes this as the variety of perspectives, insights, and mental models that people bring to a problem.
It’s not just about having different backgrounds or identities – it’s about having different ways of thinking.
When only a few voices dominate, the group risks “collective blindness” – missing critical solutions because they’re stuck in the same mental groove.
Your unique perspective could be the missing piece that unlocks the group’s best thinking.
Practical Tips to Build Confidence in Conversations
Here are a few tools I often share in coaching – practical steps to help you find your voice in the room:
Prepare for Small Wins
Go into the meeting with one point or question you want to raise. Set a gentle intention: “I’ll offer one thought from a place of clarity.”
It doesn’t have to be perfect – it just needs to be real.
Speak Early
Try to say something in the first 10 minutes. A quick agreement, a curious question, a reflection. It helps you settle in, and calms the inner noise.
Observe and Learn
Notice how others speak – especially when they don’t have all the answers.
Watch how they say: “I’m not entirely sure, but here’s what I know so far…” or “Let me reflect and come back with more clarity.”
Use Gentle Framing
If you're unsure, try: “Based on my background and experience, I’d say X – but I’ll happily check and follow up if needed.”
This balances confidence with curiosity, and shows integrity.
Connect to Something Deeper
Before the meeting, take a moment to breathe, soften, and ask yourself: “What is mine to share today?” This quiet check-in connects you to your intuition – a deeper source of knowing that doesn’t rely on external validation. Studies in leadership and entrepreneurship increasingly recognise intuition as a valuable decision-making tool.
Reframe the Inner Critic
When your inner voice / critic says, “Don’t speak up,” or “You will sound stupid” try and replace it with your inner coach. Your inner coach is your biggest cheerleader and supporter – what would they say to you instead?
“You have got this, your contribution is valuable and deserves to be heard."
For more on the inner critic, read my blog on Imposter syndrome and how to overcome it.
Ground in the Body
Your posture matters. Before speaking, take a steady breath. Feel your feet on the floor. Sit tall. Research by Amy Cuddy, author of the fabulous book Presence suggests that even subtle shifts in posture can increase our sense of presence and confidence.
A Gentle Reminder
Your presence is your power. It’s the quiet confidence to sit tall, to listen deeply, and to offer your viewpoint even if it’s not fully formed. It’s remembering that you were invited into the room because your perspective matters – not because you’re expected to have every answer.
When you speak from your own experience, you contribute to the collective intelligence of the group. As Matthew Syed’s work on cognitive diversity reminds us, it’s this variety of perspectives that fuels innovation and better decision-making. So next time you hesitate, remind yourself: someone in that room needs to hear exactly what you have to say.
Bring your authentic self. Share your voice. And trust that you’re adding something only you can offer.
If you’d like support exploring how to build your confidence when communicating with others – I’d love to help. Feel free to get in touch via the website, or connect with me on LinkedIn.
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